New & improved?
As the blog enters year 3, I am markedly shortening my weekly writing tips, but you can always browse http://www.normfriedman.com/blog/ in search of meatier entries. Each of my first 102 posts is about a three- or four-minute read.
See if you can make one quick refinement to the opening sentence of a movie synopsis. (We’ll look at the second, more problematic, sentence next week.)
Tyler is a young man who is desperately seeking direction from a world that seems to have abandoned him.
I don’t see any errors, but we do have a weakness here. Because the verb “to be,” in all its forms, has no sizzle, let’s fix Tyler is a young man who is …. Do you see the remedy? We can just delete who is and voila! Tyler is a young man desperately seeking direction from a world that seems to have abandoned him.
Today’s tip: Watch out for constructions like “who is,” “that were,” and “which have been.” They often can be eliminated.