New & improved?
As the blog enters year 3, I am markedly shortening my weekly writing tips, but you can always browse http://www.normfriedman.com/blog/ in search of meatier entries. Each of my first 102 posts is about a three- or four-minute read.
Today’s challenge
See if you can make one quick refinement to the opening sentence of a movie synopsis. (We’ll look at the second, more problematic, sentence next week.)
Tyler is a young man who is desperately seeking direction from a world that seems to have abandoned him.
I don’t see any errors, but we do have a weakness here. Because the verb “to be,” in all its forms, has no sizzle, let’s fix Tyler is a young man who is …. Do you see the remedy? We can just delete who is and voila! Tyler is a young man desperately seeking direction from a world that seems to have abandoned him.
Today’s tip: Watch out for constructions like “who is,” “that were,” and “which have been.” They often can be eliminated.
You can learn more about my workshops on writing in the workplace, individual coaching, editing, and handbook – 100+ Instant Writing Tips – at http://www.normfriedman.com/index.shtml. Thank you.